Let Go

It's time to let go.
Let the boulder roll.
Down,
Down,
Down the hill, and the emotions will gather.
Those chemicals bubble inside your head,
Release them as whatever they are.

Let happiness spread the warmth;
Let sadness cool it;
Let anger boil over;
Let envy show its ugly green head;
Let silliness make your brain numb with your laughter;
Let confusion make you dizzy.

Most of all, let the feeling of love burn.
Let it burn bright like fire,
Like a guiding light.
Don't let it burn you out with irrational flight.

Let the boulder roll.
Down,
Down,
Down the hill.
Let go and release what you will down.

A River Runs

A river runs,
Never freezes, never stops.
Bangs against rocks.
Rushes, whispering down, down, down.
Until it aligns with something bigger than itself.

Much like the brain,
They never stop, thoughts run along axons.
Nerves run through and along organs.
Speeds that break necks, around, around, around.
Neurons connecting in endless lines joining into somethings bigger than themselves.

A river is free, uncaring;
Ripping apart all it sees.
Yet we see it as peace when calm,
Hatred builds when it floods;
Something completely out of our control.

A brain is as logical as we make it.
Always learning, never stops learning.
At every turn, either peace of hatred,
It just goes.
Mad at thinking we have less control than a river.
When indeed we have more.

A river runs,
Much like a brain.
Never stops.
Whispering.
Aligning to something bigger than itself.

S.A.D. (Winter's Worst)

The first snowfall,
It should be a happy moment,
For me it signals misery:
A five month spell of sadness.

I should be outside,
Building a snowman,
A snow angel,
If I'm lucky an ice sculpture.

Instead, I hide inside,
In my den like a fox,
Crying into a tear-stained pillow,
Overwhelmed with sadness and anger.

Uncontrollable with the lack of sunlight.
Solutions with no resolutions.
It's depression to the point where running and writing cannot touch it.
It slowly kills me; a dark pit hollowed in.

The cure for myself?
It is the feeling of waking up to Spring.
A warmth that grows and melts the Winter's worst.
A smile of pure joy spreads through me like hope.

Robin sweetly chirping a song of return,
Trees coming out of a slumber,
The sun's warmth,
The bright yellow of dandelions poking out of the ground.

A fire rekindled.
A light renewed.
A positivity to rejoice in for many months.
A song that now be sung.

Speechless

It's time to say something.
It's time to act.
It's time to spill my heart out.

Yet, I lost my words.
I'm a writer, but I lost the words.
There are words I want to tell you.
Speechless . . .

You've left me speechless.
Stammering words.
I'm at a loss.

Before you leave, I have to say . . .
Say something because you're leaving.
Something, I need my words.
My words, I need.

Three . . . I... .,
Two . . .  I... .,
One . . .I. . . .

You're out the door. . . .
I didn't even have the chance.
The chance that I had to say what my heart wants to say.
I miss you. . . .

There for You

For my friend, N.B.

Think of the Sun.
High at noon in the sky.
Warming and growing.
Giving light of yellow radiance.

Think of the Moon.
High up, too, always there.
Lighting up the sky in pale white.
Cooling the day's warmth.

Think of calming thoughts.
Think as I clear the tears from your eyes.
Cleansing the pain with calm warmth.
A warmth that can keep you safe.

Think of energy.
It can't be created nor destroyed.
Watch it create, though, and destroy.
Watch it bloom the meadow flowers in Spring.

Think of love.
The love you gain from our friendship.
The love of many others in your life.
The love is known to fairy tales.

Think of life.
The life of now.
The life you've built through years.
The life you have glows with every heartbeat.

Lastly, think of the seasons.
Spring to Summer to Fall to Winter.
Always changing, ever so.
Just like you are, always.

My friend,
Build and create.
Move along and live.
Remember: live and love.

The Smile

For J.J.

It sparkles like pearls.
It is only for me to notice.
A smile that melts the ice;
The ice protecting my heart.

Only at me, it shows.
Only at me, I see.
Coming and going, I see it shows.

The warmth emanating from you alone,
Tingles.
The smile you show up with,
Intensifies the warmth.

I feel lucky.
Lucky that you are there.
Lucky that you pass by.
Lucky to be graced by that charming smile.

Bitter Ending

For Z.J.H.

Dilemma after dilemma.
Time upon time.
Miss after miss.
Water upon the earth.

Thinking about it all hurts me.
The things we did,
The things we said,
The things we left unmentioned.

I saw the best of you.
I saw the worst.
The light in your eyes shut off.
I lost you.

No amount of love could revive you.
You were dead inside.
Broken by a broken home.
A monster that was created by those who gave you life.

A bitter end for us.
Though I think of you every so often,
I cannot love what you have become:
You are a shadow of your former self.

Limited Sky

I stare upward as I lay on cold ground.
The clouds,
The Sun,
The Moon.
The hidden stars years away in the daylight.
So much there is to see.

I wonder if you see what I see,
Under the limited sky.

Alas, alone am I.
You're not there to watch with me.
The magic between what separates,
That which separates us from falling. . . .

Falling into a limited sky.

Sonnet J

For J

I cannot find the words to express you.
And yet I can always find them nearby.
It has taken a month; you have no clue,
That I set my feelings aside to fly.

I had to break the silence; I must try.
In you very hand, my proverbial heart.
The very secret I hide, covered a lie.
It is for you that my pen makes this art.

That you, of all men, give me a jump-start.
Your warm embrace, I do feel more alive.
I fear the day that comes when you depart.
You kiss is what I want to feel in drive.

My eye for you is of smarts and beauty,
It is you I attract, then be flirty.

Remanence of a Fire

Embers fly and fall to the earth.
Coals burn in ash.
A flicker of warmth,
And the last flames dance.

Reds and oranges burn in wood.
Yellow and blues mix together to breathe.

Bricks charred with black,
Where the fire licked it.
Wood cracked like black rock canyons,
Scarred by flames.

Greys like a wizened man,
Spread under a wooden prison.

Water stained soil and ash.
Smoke flies to the sky.
Fire smoldered.
Memory remains.

Sparks will fly again,
But on a different night they will dance once more.

Sinking Heart in Glass

My heart sinks,
Sinks to my toes.
Deep under the ground.
It breaks like glass.

It was barricaded by it,
But it has shattered.
Maybe it's for the best.

My tears fall like the stars,
Heavy and fast.
You can't know,
Because I can't let you see me crack.

Hope abandoned,
No tune in thought.
Deadened and numb like a fallen tree.

I'm alone.
In tears I row my boat.
I feel like I have no one.
Though that isn't true.

I seal the display back up.
My heart encased in glass.
I just hope it doesn't shatter again.

For What It's Worth I Am Home

I feel at peace.
I am filled with joy.
I hear a name and I don't crumble.
I hear a voice and it's a song.
I am home.

Your fingers splaying in offering,
I take your hand,
And our fingers lace like shoes.
Never letting go and afraid of loss.
I am home.

Soft lips brush against my cheek.
It tickles and I laugh, hard.
You see me blush and wrap your arms around my neck.
Your face in front of mine where a kiss lands, unfaltering.
I am home.

Hands, up and down my back.
A warm and touching embrace.
I feel safe and want to cry.
You hold me tighter, closer.
 I am home.

Fingers sliding through my wet hair.
Slicking back and not caring.
You play with each strand.
Twirling it with soaked fingers.
I am home.

I see you sleeping.
Curled up in front of me.
Your chest rises and falls to a steady rhythm.
You look at peace and I kiss your cheek.
For what it's worth I am home.

Far Away

For C.W.

Trapped.
Trapped by inevitability.
Inevitability that you cannot seek.
Seek and never heard.

I listen,
But your voice drowns in a sea.
A sea of lonely voids.
Voids that cannot be filled.

Try.
Try as you might to swim.
Never reaching the dock.
The dock that shifts away from you as you grow closer.

I reach,
But my arm isn't long enough.
Fingers splayed and I cannot reach.
You're slipping away.

Trapped and trying.
I listen and I reach.
The stars aren't aligned.
Neither are the words I display.

Tidal Waves

Rise and fall.
Standing tall and towering.
Crashing in the wake of a storm.
Tidal waves collapse onto you in my anger.

I stand up to you in ferocity.
I stand up to you with energy expelled.
I take that stand because no one has.
My wrath isn't a mere splash.

I make you tremble.
I make you shiver in the coldness of the water.
I have released it all.
You get it all.

You deserved the towering wave.
Full force and drenched.
Feel how I feel and you'll know why.
I won't apologize for it.

Rising and falling.
Crashing.
Drenched.
Finished.

Disconnected and Disjointed

Gold,
As warm as the sand beneath my feet.
As I stand a strong man before you.
Still have my trust,
So you have my hand in yours.

Hold it.
Lace it.
You see my pain.
The pain you caused in absence.

You help me believe I was something,
But that was a truth disguised lie.
You comfort me with truth,
You made me disconnect with myself.
I am something to you.

Hold it.
Lace it.
Cherish it like a precious diamond.
Turn it to treasure.

I love and care deeply,
My wounds are mended.
I am truly warm with a beating heart.
You have sewn me together, mercy.
I feel pain no more.

Turn it to treasure,
With one final touch.
Never to stone,
With one final kiss...

Stone,
As cold as frozen tears in winter.
As I stand a husk before you.
You lost my trust.
So in place you get my stone heart.

Crush it.
Beat it.
You know no pain.
Not the pain I feel.

You told me I was something to you,
But that was a lie disguised truth.
You comfort me with lies,
You made me disconnect from myself.
I am nothing to you.

Crush it.
Beat it.
Slam it against the wall.
Turn it dust.

I hurt and ache deeply.
My wounds cut right open.
I'm truly cold with no heart.
You cut me open, no mercy.
I feel pain no more.

Turn it to dust,
With one final kiss.
Never to gold,
With one final touch...

Words

Words weave together like fabric.
Weaving to make something beautiful.
Beautiful like a river, transparent as glass.

Words can be hurtful.
Hurtful in the way that you can cut with daggers.
Daggers are thrown with intent in mind.

Words can heal wounds.
Heal the wounds that, in turn, cause.
In time, forgiveness comes.

Words...
Laughable to those that poorly use them.
Influential to those that can articulate.

Words weave into something special.
Words hurt like a bullet.
Words heal like a cast.

Words are forever.

Candle Flicker

For M.B.

I see the candle flicker across from me.
Though it smells like "Ocean Flowers."
I know this to be artificial.
I know the ocean doesn't smell that way.

Deep in my memories, I smell salty air.
Which triggers my memories of salty sweat.
Trickling down from your head.
I love the smell.

My train of thought leaves me.
I hurt.
The image of you fades.
I lay in my bed.
Wanting to open up more to you.
Wanting to be held.
Alone.

The next night, the other candle.
It flickers and I smell "Rustic Woods."
Like the other, it is artificial.
I know the woods don't smell that way.

I remember, the smell of pine and ivy.
The sunshine of summer.
A lunch to share.
Birds chirping.
I feel that warmth.
I feel your hand in mine.

The image of that day fade.
Retrospectively it was omnipresent.
Somehow it makes me sadder.
Alone again.
Wanting to be held.

I don't want to feel this way.
I blow it out.
All I can smell is acrid smoke.
Then nothingness and darkness become one.
Alone.
Alone.
Alone...
I must keep these feelings in-check.

How I Know You

To the men that lift my life up

This is how I know you,
In my heart that you make warm,
In my arms, you'll lie safe.
A place to rest your head,
While I sing you sweetly to sleep.
Nothing can beat this feeling I have.

You fill me with joy,
And I can be sure that I belong to you.
I cry when the days are hard,
And you somehow make it better.

I want that embrace and a sweet kiss on the lips.
You influence me to be a better man.
I like how you make me feel,
It makes me feel wanted and loved.

This is how I know you,
Comfort on both my good and bad days,
A person I can trust with my heart as it is fragile,
And giving me confidence in myself as a man.

Old Becomes New: The Poems Will Continue

It's been a year since I started this poetry blog. The poetry will never stop, if I become inspired I will post a new poem. I'm glad you all enjoyed this blog and I look forward to writing more poetry. This is the best thing that I could do for myself creatively.

This has been a beautiful year. I've had my share of heartbreaks, crushes, love, friendships, realizations, change, hatred, and fun. I hope that there is more out there for me to see, to broaden my horizons. Hopefully, I will get that chance.

Finding Peace

Peace...
Hope...
That's what I find in the wilderness.
My sanctuary in the trees.

The calmness of the running stream.
The stillness in the grove.
I find my solace here.

The trees stand still with time.
Ever growing in the rain and sunshine.
My friends that I can climb.
Deep into the canopy is where I'd like to be.

Sitting on the thickest branch I can reach.
I wonder and fall asleep to the whisper of the stream.
The chirping of the magpies and other birds is the last thing I hear.

Here I feel safe.
Here I can be me.
Here I don't have to answer to anyone.
Here I am free...

I have always loved the Earth.
Growing and fertile.
It reminds me there is something about this world that I love.

Peace and hope...
That's my reason for living.
Safe and free...
That is what is meant for me to be.