Lion's Golden Heart

Courage ignites inside me,
When my hand joins yours.

It thaws the layers of ice,
Around a protected heart.

My heart shines of gold,
It glints showing the world a me that's been hiding.

I can let loose the beast my renewed courage revealed.
I can let loss feelings I refused to show.
I can be me because I don't have to fear.

Everything goes two ways.
You have shown me the best and worst.
Your courage and life ignite like you have done for me.

Speechless

It's time to say something.
It's time to act.
It's time to spill my heart out.

Yet, I lost my words.
I'm a writer, but I lost the words.
There are words I want to tell you.
Speechless . . .

You've left me speechless.
Stammering words.
I'm at a loss.

Before you leave, I have to say . . .
Say something because you're leaving.
Something, I need my words.
My words, I need.

Three . . . I... .,
Two . . .  I... .,
One . . .I. . . .

You're out the door. . . .
I didn't even have the chance.
The chance that I had to say what my heart wants to say.
I miss you. . . .

Yours Truly, Sincerely

I take a wistful peek out of the window.
Loneliness captivates my heart.
I take a trip to space and think,
'Why are you not here?'

I lay in bed to wonder.
Just as soon as that feeling of alone goes, it retakes residence.
Staring at the empty spot in bed pains me.
I cry and sleep.

I awake in the morning.
It hits again because the spot is still bare.
I search inside, my resident is still there.
Silently, I accept this fate.

Yours truly, sincerely.

Limited Sky

I stare upward as I lay on cold ground.
The clouds,
The Sun,
The Moon.
The hidden stars years away in the daylight.
So much there is to see.

I wonder if you see what I see,
Under the limited sky.

Alas, alone am I.
You're not there to watch with me.
The magic between what separates,
That which separates us from falling. . . .

Falling into a limited sky.

Sonnet J

For J

I cannot find the words to express you.
And yet I can always find them nearby.
It has taken a month; you have no clue,
That I set my feelings aside to fly.

I had to break the silence; I must try.
In you very hand, my proverbial heart.
The very secret I hide, covered a lie.
It is for you that my pen makes this art.

That you, of all men, give me a jump-start.
Your warm embrace, I do feel more alive.
I fear the day that comes when you depart.
You kiss is what I want to feel in drive.

My eye for you is of smarts and beauty,
It is you I attract, then be flirty.

Wake Up in the Night

For somebody

Waking up,
I think I feel your arms around me.
I turn, but you're not there.
No blue eyes watching me, waking me up more.

No smile, genuine like gold.
No words, to sweetly land in my ears.
No kiss, to carry as the day goes on.
No holding on, to keep each other grounded.

Bittersweet is it all,
That I can't say anything to you.
Fear in my way,
And I hide my feelings for you.

At night,
I think you're there,
But I know you're not.
But wishful in my thinking.

Closed blue eyes.
Soft, steady breaths.
Holding on like a child scared to death.
Whispering words as sweet as the night air.

Sad enough this is all but an entire dream,
And I again wake up in the darkness alone.

Like Earth Meeting Water

Alone in the woods,
Thinking of the many things in this world.
None like the earth and the water.

In how they are in constant harmony.
They meet everyday without hate,
No prejudice, just peace.

The water helps the earth mold into something better.
The earth listens to the water with active ears.
The water whistles a tune from the heart.
The earth amplifies it for the world to hear.

If only I could see people act as such,
Like the earth meeting water.
If only I could find a man with those qualities,
To find my harmony within.

Dandelion (2)

For someone I can't put their initials up

I have found a dandelion,
I the coolness of the heat.
I want to give it to you,
Because you are what I hoped to find.

The glimmer of hope I held onto,
For so long, so long.
I found you among the weeds,
That lovely spot of yellow.

You are special,
You're amazing to me.
Sensitive like the petals,
Resilient like the stem,
Lovely like the color.

I've never had this much comfort,
Just in knowing you're there.
Knowing I have beauty holding my hand,
Knowing I have something as real as a flower.
The very flower that gives me hope.

I have found a dandelion,
I picked it just for you,
Because you are what I had hoped to find...
And more.

Tired Soul and Strong Will

I feel empty.
My heart feels heavier.
My eyes feel sunken.
I feel bare-boned,
A skeleton.

Desperate for love,
When I don't need it.
I'm afraid to let anyone in again,
To begin again with them.

Though I feel I see through mud,
I see through the crystal.
It shines a new light.
It glints in my eyes in reprieve.

I notice the new sprouts of leaves,
I see through green, they are alive.
Nature converges, and I am breathing.
Breathing in the fresh smell of Spring.
The fragrant air subdues my aching.

I meet the oak tree I love to climb.
I am more whole when I touch the rough bark.
I climb to reach the sky and the sun.
To claim my stake in strength.
I remain strong through plights.

Gaining wings like Greek angels,
I will fly into the midnight skies.
Singing songs to help the fallen.
Selfless acts that make my heart heavy with grief.

I'll be alright knowing others will be safe.
In my candor, I have spoken.
In time I can tell,
I'll find someone to help me feel whole.
In love and peace,
I will hold most dear.

Hidden Mountains

Snow-capped beauties,
Hidden in shadow.
In the setting sun,
The light kisses the peaks.

I want to touch them,
But they are so far away.
I want to climb them,
But I cry instead.

I cry because they stand so still in their beauty.
Only eroding from rain and wind.
Secrets hidden beneath that snow.
I wish I could be like them.

Touching the starry sky,
Encased in stone, I'd touch them, too.
Life would be simple that way.
Being admired by those of nature.

They cannot love back.
They cannot love others, like I can.
I love unconditionally, unlike the mountains.
Snow-capped beauties hidden in shadows.

They touch the sky in stillness.
I touch the sky in love.

For What It's Worth I Am Home

I feel at peace.
I am filled with joy.
I hear a name and I don't crumble.
I hear a voice and it's a song.
I am home.

Your fingers splaying in offering,
I take your hand,
And our fingers lace like shoes.
Never letting go and afraid of loss.
I am home.

Soft lips brush against my cheek.
It tickles and I laugh, hard.
You see me blush and wrap your arms around my neck.
Your face in front of mine where a kiss lands, unfaltering.
I am home.

Hands, up and down my back.
A warm and touching embrace.
I feel safe and want to cry.
You hold me tighter, closer.
 I am home.

Fingers sliding through my wet hair.
Slicking back and not caring.
You play with each strand.
Twirling it with soaked fingers.
I am home.

I see you sleeping.
Curled up in front of me.
Your chest rises and falls to a steady rhythm.
You look at peace and I kiss your cheek.
For what it's worth I am home.

End

For K.J.S.

I suffered plenty,
A fish on your hook.
You let me go to finality,
No selfishness in the act.

It ended, finally.
My heart is broken,
But I am free.
Free from that prison of contempt.

No words could describe this.
We are both genuinely free.
Free to roam,
Free to love another.

I taught you to love,
You taught me life.
We fit together,
Except we are mismatched pieces.

Nevermore will I seek you.
Nevermore will the wheels turn.
Nevermore, the words will weave.
Nevermore will we hurt in the heart.

Years will pass,
And we'll laugh at our stupidity.
For all it is worth,
Take these last words and keep them close:

I love you.
And I hope you will find your light.

I Made It Home

My heart on fire.
My lungs burn.
I've been running.
Running and running.
Thoughts race.

I made it home.
It isn't the home, I know.
It isn't your heart.
It isn't safe.
It isn't anything.

I don't have much for myself.
I can't have much for myself.
I won't have much for myself.
Selflessness is what prevents that for me.

I don't see you because you are gone.
A speck in the distance climbing over a mountain.
I don't know you anymore.
I don't know where you lay your head at night.
I don't see your boundaries.
I don't hear you amongst the noise.

I made it home.
But it isn't what I think I deserve.
You're somewhere else.
I will find your heart and take shelter in it again.

I'll keep running.
I'll keep trying.
I'll keep you safe.
Just don't let me collapse inward.
Help me untie my knotted ropes.
Help me climb the mountains.
Climbing toward where the Sun and Moon are seen together.
Toward a new beginning one day in time.

Words

Words weave together like fabric.
Weaving to make something beautiful.
Beautiful like a river, transparent as glass.

Words can be hurtful.
Hurtful in the way that you can cut with daggers.
Daggers are thrown with intent in mind.

Words can heal wounds.
Heal the wounds that, in turn, cause.
In time, forgiveness comes.

Words...
Laughable to those that poorly use them.
Influential to those that can articulate.

Words weave into something special.
Words hurt like a bullet.
Words heal like a cast.

Words are forever.

Snow Kisses and Embraces

I watch the snowfall.
Graceful and beautiful.
Glistening like diamonds in the light.
Melting like your kisses on a dark, cold night.

I watch the flakes dance.
Dancing in the wind.
Dancing right into my hair.
They must have found a haven with me,
Like I with you.

 I watch the crystals land on the frozen ground.
Stuck and immovable.
Forming like a guarded fortress.
Like you took hold of,
But only for shelter.
And you held me with a warm embrace,
Hot breath on my skin.

Your graceful kiss...
Your homely safety...
Your warmth in your hugs...
Are what I see, not etched in cold stone,
But etched in snow.

Hear

 For Unrequited Love

I hear a sweet melody.
I feel the steady beat that I mistake for my own heart.
I hear the words,
But I realize it was you.
Singing in that low tone you have,
It isn't quite baritone, but still, I'm on cloud nine.

I listen to that beautiful voice of yours.
I can't understand why you don't use it more often.
I love the music you make.
You don't think I'm listening, hearing it.
I never thought I'd hear a song from you.

The song I hear you sing reminds me of a lush field.
Notes sung lay like grass and blow like a breeze.
I think of us in a plain, looking to the sky,
Watching the clouds change shape.
The harmony like the brook that flows as it hums.

I don't want it to end, but it does.
It ends, and my fantasy of the meadow... fades...
My day turned to night and rages into a storm.
I'm alone...
Alone in the meadow as rain falls,
Like my tears down my face.

I stay strong.
And hold back my tears as lightning strikes the ground.
A fiery ring surrounds me as I stand.
I watch and hear the dancing flames.
The crackle warms my now cold heart as it rings in my ears.
I may not have you, but I have an everlasting fire.
A fire in my heart that burns with strength...
Determination...
Perseverance...
It burns, and I feel it.
I hear it beating.
I hear it speaking to me.
I hear it screaming!
Telling me, I am still alive.

The fire can't destroy me.
The ring that burns into my retinas.
The image searing into my brain.
I'm immune to this danger.
I walk through...
I walk through it with no pain.
Just warmth surrounding me.

My thoughts leave me as I find myself lying asleep next to you.
Your warmth is what I felt.
It's what burned like fire.
Your arm around me tight,
Afraid I'll fly away... or fall apart.
I am whole, and I am calm.

I hear your sweet song in my head.
Against the snoring melody you make.
And I fall to sleep as it all starts again...

I See You Walking

For Z.J.H.

I see you walking...
Walking alone down the moonlighted path.
Alone you walk,
Aimless, yet not.

I see your shadow walking...
Walking behind you steadily.
Step by step, he follows.
Stuck, like you feel.

I see you look upward...
Looking at the moon.
You look at peace.
You look, as I stare up with you.

I try to think of what you think of.
I'm bleeding empathy!
Trying to figure it out.
I don't know what to say.
I want to yell out for you...
But all that comes out is silence...

Your image fades, no silhouette left.
I stand alone on the moonlit path.
I wish for you to stand there along with me...
Though that will never be.
We don't talk, yet I still love you.

I saw you walking...
And tears fall down my face...
I still search for you,
Where there is no path to follow.

A Year

A year has flown by,
Just like they have before.
So much to do,
So little time.

Though I still have the crushes of the past.
I'll still have those to look toward to in the future.
We lost a friend along the way.
But somehow we made room for new friends.

Heartbreaks that were inevitable.
Love was found along the way.
People out to destroy that love,
And gaining a new sense of strength.

I shared my story of high school,
I shared my childhood memories.
I shared my love and hatred for a state.
And I shared my journey.

I look at the year I have lived.
I know that somehow, someday that everything will be alright.
Somehow...
Someday...

Maybe I'll Find Peace and find my Dandelion.
Maybe the One-Armed Tattooed Man will talk to me more.
Maybe I'll have my Moment's Reprieve on a Sleigh of Roses.
Maybe my Struggles will help inspire others.
Maybe... just maybe people will see the Light in the Same Lens.

A year in reflection.
A year of adding to my strength.
A year to find what most my age can never touch.
A year... to remember.

Truth Is...

For K.J.S.


The truth is... I miss you...
I cry myself to sleep because I need you to hold me.
Your flesh connecting with mine.
Your embrace warms me and warms my heart.

The truth is... I hurt you...
I go crazy every day for saying those things to you out of fear.
Fear that you were going to be like the others before you.
I was wrong the entire time...

It's too late to tell you all this because...
You don't forgive me...
I don't blame you...
No one ever will...
I hurt you with words I cannot take back...
I hurt you with the very things you are not...

The truth is... I admire you...
You have a grand balancing act that is impossible for most.
You deserve the days you have off.
You deserve to be happy.

The truth is... I want you to be happy...
I want that for you because I didn't fulfill it.
I want you to go out there and do things for you.
I want you to be happy, even if it isn't with me.

The truth is... you made me feel pretty...
You made me truly happy, something I never felt in a long time.
You were helping me be more open, and you thought I was beautiful.
But I showed you someone ugly and undeserving.

It's too late to tell you the truth... because...
I know you don't want to hear it...
Especially after seeing such a monster...
As much as I try to forgive myself...
I cannot do it without you to forgive me...

You were my light, but now... you're gone...
I'm lost without your guidance...
Lost... Lost... Lost...
My heart aches every night, calling for you...
I just want to pick up the phone and call your number...
Just to hear your voice...

I just want to look at the happy memories we made together...
The dance... the pictures... the gazebo... the tree...
Just you and me, together...
I should've asked you when I had the chance.
To have asked you to one last dance.
To make it last and for you to hold me tight as we twirled.

The truth is... you let me love you...
I never have felt lonely until now...
Just kiss me please, and that might be it for now...

The truth is... I'm in bed with tear stains on the pillow...
Calling for you... to come to hold me once more...

The Meadow

As time flows by without a prayer,
Everyone around me doesn't seem to care.
All that I care about is seeing you there.

In a meadow just you and me,
There is no sadness, only glee.
If only time would seize to be.

There are no dark clouds, only an endless blue sky,
A beautiful moment that makes us want to cry.
We both kiss each other without care.

Underneath this endless sky and in the meadow,
I'd like the whole world to know.
That we are forever together and nothing more.