Lion's Golden Heart

Courage ignites inside me,
When my hand joins yours.

It thaws the layers of ice,
Around a protected heart.

My heart shines of gold,
It glints showing the world a me that's been hiding.

I can let loose the beast my renewed courage revealed.
I can let loss feelings I refused to show.
I can be me because I don't have to fear.

Everything goes two ways.
You have shown me the best and worst.
Your courage and life ignite like you have done for me.

Winter Extinguishes, Spring Revives

For Someone I Liked

The snow gently falls,
The ice sparkles a glistens in patches.
As I see it all, taking in the scene,
I am reminded why I guard my heart over this season.
Winter freezes and extinguishes my fire.
Waiting for Spring to fill me, again, with hope.

That is . . .
Until I see your face.
I become less harsh, I am myself.
I warm up and, really, genuinely smile.
When I do, I see your smile.
And it makes me melt.

In your embrace,
I feel whole,
Whole and safe.

When you leave,
I feel empty,
Empty and alone.

Remanence of a Fire

Embers fly and fall to the earth.
Coals burn in ash.
A flicker of warmth,
And the last flames dance.

Reds and oranges burn in wood.
Yellow and blues mix together to breathe.

Bricks charred with black,
Where the fire licked it.
Wood cracked like black rock canyons,
Scarred by flames.

Greys like a wizened man,
Spread under a wooden prison.

Water stained soil and ash.
Smoke flies to the sky.
Fire smoldered.
Memory remains.

Sparks will fly again,
But on a different night they will dance once more.

Disconnected and Disjointed

Gold,
As warm as the sand beneath my feet.
As I stand a strong man before you.
Still have my trust,
So you have my hand in yours.

Hold it.
Lace it.
You see my pain.
The pain you caused in absence.

You help me believe I was something,
But that was a truth disguised lie.
You comfort me with truth,
You made me disconnect with myself.
I am something to you.

Hold it.
Lace it.
Cherish it like a precious diamond.
Turn it to treasure.

I love and care deeply,
My wounds are mended.
I am truly warm with a beating heart.
You have sewn me together, mercy.
I feel pain no more.

Turn it to treasure,
With one final touch.
Never to stone,
With one final kiss...

Stone,
As cold as frozen tears in winter.
As I stand a husk before you.
You lost my trust.
So in place you get my stone heart.

Crush it.
Beat it.
You know no pain.
Not the pain I feel.

You told me I was something to you,
But that was a lie disguised truth.
You comfort me with lies,
You made me disconnect from myself.
I am nothing to you.

Crush it.
Beat it.
Slam it against the wall.
Turn it dust.

I hurt and ache deeply.
My wounds cut right open.
I'm truly cold with no heart.
You cut me open, no mercy.
I feel pain no more.

Turn it to dust,
With one final kiss.
Never to gold,
With one final touch...

Hear

 For Unrequited Love

I hear a sweet melody.
I feel the steady beat that I mistake for my own heart.
I hear the words,
But I realize it was you.
Singing in that low tone you have,
It isn't quite baritone, but still, I'm on cloud nine.

I listen to that beautiful voice of yours.
I can't understand why you don't use it more often.
I love the music you make.
You don't think I'm listening, hearing it.
I never thought I'd hear a song from you.

The song I hear you sing reminds me of a lush field.
Notes sung lay like grass and blow like a breeze.
I think of us in a plain, looking to the sky,
Watching the clouds change shape.
The harmony like the brook that flows as it hums.

I don't want it to end, but it does.
It ends, and my fantasy of the meadow... fades...
My day turned to night and rages into a storm.
I'm alone...
Alone in the meadow as rain falls,
Like my tears down my face.

I stay strong.
And hold back my tears as lightning strikes the ground.
A fiery ring surrounds me as I stand.
I watch and hear the dancing flames.
The crackle warms my now cold heart as it rings in my ears.
I may not have you, but I have an everlasting fire.
A fire in my heart that burns with strength...
Determination...
Perseverance...
It burns, and I feel it.
I hear it beating.
I hear it speaking to me.
I hear it screaming!
Telling me, I am still alive.

The fire can't destroy me.
The ring that burns into my retinas.
The image searing into my brain.
I'm immune to this danger.
I walk through...
I walk through it with no pain.
Just warmth surrounding me.

My thoughts leave me as I find myself lying asleep next to you.
Your warmth is what I felt.
It's what burned like fire.
Your arm around me tight,
Afraid I'll fly away... or fall apart.
I am whole, and I am calm.

I hear your sweet song in my head.
Against the snoring melody you make.
And I fall to sleep as it all starts again...

Candle Flicker

For M.B.

I see the candle flicker across from me.
Though it smells like "Ocean Flowers."
I know this to be artificial.
I know the ocean doesn't smell that way.

Deep in my memories, I smell salty air.
Which triggers my memories of salty sweat.
Trickling down from your head.
I love the smell.

My train of thought leaves me.
I hurt.
The image of you fades.
I lay in my bed.
Wanting to open up more to you.
Wanting to be held.
Alone.

The next night, the other candle.
It flickers and I smell "Rustic Woods."
Like the other, it is artificial.
I know the woods don't smell that way.

I remember, the smell of pine and ivy.
The sunshine of summer.
A lunch to share.
Birds chirping.
I feel that warmth.
I feel your hand in mine.

The image of that day fade.
Retrospectively it was omnipresent.
Somehow it makes me sadder.
Alone again.
Wanting to be held.

I don't want to feel this way.
I blow it out.
All I can smell is acrid smoke.
Then nothingness and darkness become one.
Alone.
Alone.
Alone...
I must keep these feelings in-check.

Dandelion

"What I need is the dandelion in the spring. The bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. The promise that life can go on, no matter how bad our losses. That it can be good again." -Katniss Everdeen, Mockingjay

Dandelions...
A sign that spring is upon us.
A sign that the Earth has begun anew.
A sign that another seasonal cycle will begin.

Summer, the smoldering heat.
Dry grass on the lawn.
Fire ravaging landscapes.
The fire inside my soul grows.
A fire that I have made my own.
I don't need someone with that flame.

Fall, the crisp wind.
The fresh air calms my inferno.
The weather made for light jackets.
Soft hoods to cover our ears.
The trees and flowers start their slumber.
I don't need someone to cool my fire that much.

Winter,  the snowy grounds.
A bitterly cold wind burns my ears.
My flame as cooled down to a mere candle flicker.
I spend my days waiting...
Longing for the tastes of spring.
The deadened trees deeply sadden me.
I don't need someone that slowly threatens to put my fire out.

Spring, the pure renewal of the Earth.
The green is replenished.
My fire is starting to do the same.
I start noticing the robins chirping,
And the yellow spots on the ground.
The spots that give someone like me hope.
Hope that there is someone out there to rest by my fire.
That my life is meaningful to myself and others.
That my losses aren't that bad.
That I can start over and be...
Happy.

Dandelions...
They aren't just a flower.
To let us know spring is among us...
It is a beacon of hope that means things will be alright.
The hope that stays alive inside me.
As a fire.

I need my own dandelion in the spring...