Truth Is...

For K.J.S.


The truth is... I miss you...
I cry myself to sleep because I need you to hold me.
Your flesh connecting with mine.
Your embrace warms me and warms my heart.

The truth is... I hurt you...
I go crazy every day for saying those things to you out of fear.
Fear that you were going to be like the others before you.
I was wrong the entire time...

It's too late to tell you all this because...
You don't forgive me...
I don't blame you...
No one ever will...
I hurt you with words I cannot take back...
I hurt you with the very things you are not...

The truth is... I admire you...
You have a grand balancing act that is impossible for most.
You deserve the days you have off.
You deserve to be happy.

The truth is... I want you to be happy...
I want that for you because I didn't fulfill it.
I want you to go out there and do things for you.
I want you to be happy, even if it isn't with me.

The truth is... you made me feel pretty...
You made me truly happy, something I never felt in a long time.
You were helping me be more open, and you thought I was beautiful.
But I showed you someone ugly and undeserving.

It's too late to tell you the truth... because...
I know you don't want to hear it...
Especially after seeing such a monster...
As much as I try to forgive myself...
I cannot do it without you to forgive me...

You were my light, but now... you're gone...
I'm lost without your guidance...
Lost... Lost... Lost...
My heart aches every night, calling for you...
I just want to pick up the phone and call your number...
Just to hear your voice...

I just want to look at the happy memories we made together...
The dance... the pictures... the gazebo... the tree...
Just you and me, together...
I should've asked you when I had the chance.
To have asked you to one last dance.
To make it last and for you to hold me tight as we twirled.

The truth is... you let me love you...
I never have felt lonely until now...
Just kiss me please, and that might be it for now...

The truth is... I'm in bed with tear stains on the pillow...
Calling for you... to come to hold me once more...