Prima Facie (At First Sight)

For K.J.S.


When I first laid eyes on you,
I thought to myself, I hope I don't act stupid around him.
But it turned out to be a wonderful weekend.

We started spending more and more time together.
I felt happy and free.
I thought I can be myself with this man.
I had no fear, except for losing you.

I had feelings stirring inside my very stomach.
When I asked you to Gay Prom, but you said yes!
You cleared time for yourself to go, even though you scared me for a second.

That night of Prom, I knew you did it for me.
But at the cost of you becoming stressed.
I held you in arms, crying because I felt I did something wrong.
You wanted to go home, and so I did as you wished.

Every night I spent with you was in your arms.
We would talk until we slept.
You didn't know this, but when you would twitch, I'd hold on tighter because
I knew you were in for a rough night...
You would snooze the alarm just to have an extra five minutes with me in bed.

We would alternate cooking breakfast, which I know is your favorite.
Scrambled eggs and pancakes, and sometimes it was just cereal.
I'd watch you get ready for work, and you even asked me to help with your hair.
We'd kiss goodbye, and we both drove off happy because we knew we'd see
each other again.

I loved that when you looked at me, you looked into my eyes.
They happened to be your favorite color, blue.
And when I looked in your eyes, they smiled.
Which is my favorite feature of yours, your smile and laugh?

Waking up to a text from you made my world lighter like I could fly.
I knew it did the same to you.
And my roughest days, you cheered me up with a funny picture of yourself.
And my roughest nights, you told me you would always be there.

I thought I hadn't paid that much attention to what was going on.
I think about you all the time.
On my roughest nights, I want to call, but I feel I can't do it.
You've put up your walls...

I die on the inside more and more, but I fight through it.
I never knew that I'd be losing you...
I never thought that I'd lose the one man I truly wanted to be with.
The one man that could erase what others have done to me.

I just wish you could hold me...
I just wish you could kiss me...
I just wish to be yours...
I just wish you can see me as... me.