Hidden

There is beauty in the way he walks.
There is a lot to him that most don't think about.
The sensitivity of his words.
The heart on his sleeve.

There is a hidden intelligence;
No one seems to care because they tear him down regardless.
Which leaves and creates something deeper down inside.

The moment he steps through the apartment door, he falls.
Falls from graceful walking to a crumpled mess on the floor.
No one to save him or pick him up.

Depression claws its way up to tearful eyes.
Anxiety prickles underneath fair skin.
All is done, and thoughts end in the meltdown.

Stoic and strand after,
Steeled nerves and better for the fit.
He walks again in grace and beauty.
He walks again, renewed, confident.

Though with courage,
He still fears the depression and anxiety waiting.
Waiting to greet him by the next night's end.

A River Runs

A river runs,
Never freezes, never stops.
Bangs against rocks.
Rushes, whispering down, down, down.
Until it aligns with something bigger than itself.

Much like the brain,
They never stop, thoughts run along axons.
Nerves run through and along organs.
Speeds that break necks, around, around, around.
Neurons connecting in endless lines joining into somethings bigger than themselves.

A river is free, uncaring;
Ripping apart all it sees.
Yet we see it as peace when calm,
Hatred builds when it floods;
Something completely out of our control.

A brain is as logical as we make it.
Always learning, never stops learning.
At every turn, either peace of hatred,
It just goes.
Mad at thinking we have less control than a river.
When indeed we have more.

A river runs,
Much like a brain.
Never stops.
Whispering.
Aligning to something bigger than itself.

S.A.D. (Winter's Worst)

The first snowfall,
It should be a happy moment,
For me it signals misery:
A five month spell of sadness.

I should be outside,
Building a snowman,
A snow angel,
If I'm lucky an ice sculpture.

Instead, I hide inside,
In my den like a fox,
Crying into a tear-stained pillow,
Overwhelmed with sadness and anger.

Uncontrollable with the lack of sunlight.
Solutions with no resolutions.
It's depression to the point where running and writing cannot touch it.
It slowly kills me; a dark pit hollowed in.

The cure for myself?
It is the feeling of waking up to Spring.
A warmth that grows and melts the Winter's worst.
A smile of pure joy spreads through me like hope.

Robin sweetly chirping a song of return,
Trees coming out of a slumber,
The sun's warmth,
The bright yellow of dandelions poking out of the ground.

A fire rekindled.
A light renewed.
A positivity to rejoice in for many months.
A song that now be sung.

Tired Soul and Strong Will

I feel empty.
My heart feels heavier.
My eyes feel sunken.
I feel bare-boned,
A skeleton.

Desperate for love,
When I don't need it.
I'm afraid to let anyone in again,
To begin again with them.

Though I feel I see through mud,
I see through the crystal.
It shines a new light.
It glints in my eyes in reprieve.

I notice the new sprouts of leaves,
I see through green, they are alive.
Nature converges, and I am breathing.
Breathing in the fresh smell of Spring.
The fragrant air subdues my aching.

I meet the oak tree I love to climb.
I am more whole when I touch the rough bark.
I climb to reach the sky and the sun.
To claim my stake in strength.
I remain strong through plights.

Gaining wings like Greek angels,
I will fly into the midnight skies.
Singing songs to help the fallen.
Selfless acts that make my heart heavy with grief.

I'll be alright knowing others will be safe.
In my candor, I have spoken.
In time I can tell,
I'll find someone to help me feel whole.
In love and peace,
I will hold most dear.

End

For K.J.S.

I suffered plenty,
A fish on your hook.
You let me go to finality,
No selfishness in the act.

It ended, finally.
My heart is broken,
But I am free.
Free from that prison of contempt.

No words could describe this.
We are both genuinely free.
Free to roam,
Free to love another.

I taught you to love,
You taught me life.
We fit together,
Except we are mismatched pieces.

Nevermore will I seek you.
Nevermore will the wheels turn.
Nevermore, the words will weave.
Nevermore will we hurt in the heart.

Years will pass,
And we'll laugh at our stupidity.
For all it is worth,
Take these last words and keep them close:

I love you.
And I hope you will find your light.

Tidal Waves

Rise and fall.
Standing tall and towering.
Crashing in the wake of a storm.
Tidal waves collapse onto you in my anger.

I stand up to you in ferocity.
I stand up to you with energy expelled.
I take that stand because no one has.
My wrath isn't a mere splash.

I make you tremble.
I make you shiver in the coldness of the water.
I have released it all.
You get it all.

You deserved the towering wave.
Full force and drenched.
Feel how I feel and you'll know why.
I won't apologize for it.

Rising and falling.
Crashing.
Drenched.
Finished.

A Year

A year has flown by,
Just like they have before.
So much to do,
So little time.

Though I still have the crushes of the past.
I'll still have those to look toward to in the future.
We lost a friend along the way.
But somehow we made room for new friends.

Heartbreaks that were inevitable.
Love was found along the way.
People out to destroy that love,
And gaining a new sense of strength.

I shared my story of high school,
I shared my childhood memories.
I shared my love and hatred for a state.
And I shared my journey.

I look at the year I have lived.
I know that somehow, someday that everything will be alright.
Somehow...
Someday...

Maybe I'll Find Peace and find my Dandelion.
Maybe the One-Armed Tattooed Man will talk to me more.
Maybe I'll have my Moment's Reprieve on a Sleigh of Roses.
Maybe my Struggles will help inspire others.
Maybe... just maybe people will see the Light in the Same Lens.

A year in reflection.
A year of adding to my strength.
A year to find what most my age can never touch.
A year... to remember.

Finding Peace

Peace...
Hope...
That's what I find in the wilderness.
My sanctuary in the trees.

The calmness of the running stream.
The stillness in the grove.
I find my solace here.

The trees stand still with time.
Ever growing in the rain and sunshine.
My friends that I can climb.
Deep into the canopy is where I'd like to be.

Sitting on the thickest branch I can reach.
I wonder and fall asleep to the whisper of the stream.
The chirping of the magpies and other birds is the last thing I hear.

Here I feel safe.
Here I can be me.
Here I don't have to answer to anyone.
Here I am free...

I have always loved the Earth.
Growing and fertile.
It reminds me there is something about this world that I love.

Peace and hope...
That's my reason for living.
Safe and free...
That is what is meant for me to be.

Moment's Reprieve

Just a moment to myself where I can
think about the day.
Just one moment...
Just a chance to take down my walls
in the fortress of my mind.

It is a serene way of letting go of those
who trespassed on you.
It is a way to make you feel whole again.
To be yourself without consequences.
No battles or wars to fight.
Nothing in the world can attack you.

You have no fears at this moment,
No worries, no hatred, no pain.
There isn't a thing you can't do in that
moment.

Once you snap out of this moment,
up goes the castle walls and your poker face.
Strength is all you have to keep the tears in
your eyes.
You are beautiful, you are lovely, you are
always going to be you.

You have the power to write your own
book of life.
You have the power to do anything your
heart desires.

A moment's reprieve is all you need...