Seeing Red and Feeling Heat

My fuse, once long, slowly burns away.
Closer to making me explode.
The volcano bubbling and boiling inside me,
Is ready to erupt.

So much packed into me,
So little time to alleviate it.

I want to scream until I'm hoarse.
I want to punch out a wall.
I want to throw a rock so hard that it will shatter,
Falling apart as it slams into the ground.
I want to break glass,
And hope that the pieces shatter into bits.

Revenge isn't the answer to my full-grown anger.
Nor is isolation in my Tower.
The situations I am in call for action.
Actions of kindness and acceptance.

The things I'm angry about shouldn't matter anymore.
Situations in the past must stay there.

Hopefully, once my anger cools there will be a time of peace.
Until then, a long list should be taken care of for now.

Smile of Glass

Inspired by "Just a Game" by Birdy and "Catching Fire" by Suzanne Collins

It's all just a game.
Waving to the crowd,
With the cheering in the background.
I'm just a piece in their lives.

I break my heart over and over,
Yet I paint a smile for them,
Politely wave again.
I am no hero,
But I'm treated as such.

A dualistic bout:
Between the faces in the crowd
And the faces of the few I love.
Facades the latter see hurt them like they do me.

In deepest depths of my bedroom,
The glass smile breaks.
My tears fall into my pillow.
I'm cold with loneliness.
I hold back more and more to handle it all.

It's all just a game,
Another day of waving to the crowd,
With the cheering in the background.
I am not going to be a piece in their lives anymore.

I prefer the few I love,
Over the many that seem to fall only for the mask.

Shattered Mirror

For someone whose initials I'm terrified to put up

He shattered the mirror,
Leaving distorted pieces scattered on the floor.
No sweeping.
Bad luck for seven years.

Broken, the mirror stands.
Ugly, worthless, beaten in senselessness.
I stand before it, and I look to see an image barely.
Broken and scattered like the unswept pieces.

Then, like the ray of sunlight through the window,
That radiant smile and those strong arms.
That warm evening breeze, I felt in your presence.
Your defensiveness when the other shattered the mirror.

Maybe I didn't like the illusion of that mirror.
Maybe I only needed to see the smile on your face.
Maybe that really means you saw me for me.
Maybe I was afraid you liked the reflection in the mirror now shattered.

In hopes of seeing you again,
To see that warm and welcoming smile,
To feel your summery embrace,
The beauty I should have really seen...
Was in the way you looked at me all this time.

Sinking Heart in Glass

My heart sinks,
Sinks to my toes.
Deep under the ground.
It breaks like glass.

It was barricaded by it,
But it has shattered.
Maybe it's for the best.

My tears fall like the stars,
Heavy and fast.
You can't know,
Because I can't let you see me crack.

Hope abandoned,
No tune in thought.
Deadened and numb like a fallen tree.

I'm alone.
In tears I row my boat.
I feel like I have no one.
Though that isn't true.

I seal the display back up.
My heart encased in glass.
I just hope it doesn't shatter again.