Topsy-Turvy Ride

Life is a bitch;
A rollercoaster.
It's merely signing a lease for the unknown.

You're sheltered for at least some of the time,
In one form or another.
Raised in a small or big family.
With a single parent, both, adopted, or none.
Below the poverty line, middle class, or wealthy.

Sometimes you assimilate to the surroundings like a chameleon.
Sometimes you stick out like an oddly-shaped formation.
Sometimes you know who you are and are rewarded or denied.
Sometimes you're confused, and you don't know what direction to take.

Then comes the point to continue to college, or take on different paths.
A time where you figure out if you have enough to go, or not;
Sometimes even if you are or aren't cut out for it because people cut you down to scraps.
Sometimes you find yourself or become new and stronger.

There comes a time to survive.
Experience dark days and even brighter nights.
Leases, rent, bills, student loans, jobs, food, companionship, death of loved ones, abandonment, douchebags, roommates, depression, kids, business ownership, and much, much more ups-and-downs.
All swirl together like a never-ending storm competing for attention.

There is a time where you will cycle between good and evil.
Either feeling you're on-top-of-the-world,
Or feeling there is no light at the end of the tunnel.
You will cycle, and the cliche is true: It Does Get Better.

There will be so many moments.
Big, or small like grains of sand.
Life in respect is beautiful,
Though still a bitter bitch.

There will also be a time when the lease runs out.
Whether you're young, or middle-aged, or elderly.
Whether it's quick or slow.
Death is not a looming, dreadful thing.
It is just a price.
Something worked hard for.
And a stamp for completing a life no matter how it's lived.

Bitter Ending

For Z.J.H.

Dilemma after dilemma.
Time upon time.
Miss after miss.
Water upon the earth.

Thinking about it all hurts me.
The things we did,
The things we said,
The things we left unmentioned.

I saw the best of you.
I saw the worst.
The light in your eyes shut off.
I lost you.

No amount of love could revive you.
You were dead inside.
Broken by a broken home.
A monster that was created by those who gave you life.

A bitter end for us.
Though I think of you every so often,
I cannot love what you have become:
You are a shadow of your former self.

Shattered Mirror

For someone whose initials I'm terrified to put up

He shattered the mirror,
Leaving distorted pieces scattered on the floor.
No sweeping.
Bad luck for seven years.

Broken, the mirror stands.
Ugly, worthless, beaten in senselessness.
I stand before it, and I look to see an image barely.
Broken and scattered like the unswept pieces.

Then, like the ray of sunlight through the window,
That radiant smile and those strong arms.
That warm evening breeze, I felt in your presence.
Your defensiveness when the other shattered the mirror.

Maybe I didn't like the illusion of that mirror.
Maybe I only needed to see the smile on your face.
Maybe that really means you saw me for me.
Maybe I was afraid you liked the reflection in the mirror now shattered.

In hopes of seeing you again,
To see that warm and welcoming smile,
To feel your summery embrace,
The beauty I should have really seen...
Was in the way you looked at me all this time.

The Desert Walk

I walk at sunrise.
I walk in the desert, days on end,
Barefoot and tattered clothes.
Trying to find you.

Nothing is lushly green,
Nothing but dried weeds and brown rock.
Mountains in the horizon,
Lustrous beauty before me.

High noon and I sweat.
Sun-soaked skin and sticky sweat.
I walk...
I walk keeping faith.
Keeping hope.

I can't see the end.
I can't see the hope I once had.
My body is starved from no food,
Dried from no water.

Twilight star came with sunset colors.
Heart aching, blistered like my skin through tatter clothes.
I find no end and I collapse.
It seems fate got to me...
Before I got to you.

The Man with the Heart of Fire

 For those that doubt me

My body is shaking...
Tired of the games that people put me in.
Wasting their time...
They are only building up my resilience piece by piece.

My body just shakes more...
Shaking from the exhaustion, I am put through.
Waiting for the last strike...
Waiting for the death of my spirit, that seems inevitable...
And waiting for a reprieve to spare my spirit...
Ever so vigilant, ever so ready to make my counterstrike.

I'm set ablaze and walk out of the flames.
Unscathed like the fire burning inside my heart.
I'm stronger than the icy touch of those who trespass upon my path.
I melt the icy hearts that most people carry.
I am the lion, I am the phoenix, I am RESILIENT!!

My courage comes out of my fear of taking a stand.
My courage is in my own strength and selflessness.
My warm-blooded heart is what cures the sad and lonely.
The warmth from my kindness heals and attacks like venom when needed.

When I return to my den... I return victorious.
Victorious and fearful of retaliation.
The games I was put in made me increasingly vigilant.
Vigilant...
Vulnerable...
Grateful to be alive and unscathed...
I stepped out of the fire...
The fire in my heart is ever-growing and helps my body keep going.

My body shakes...
From never knowing what is around the next corner.
My heart wondering how much more it can take...
Before the fire is put out...

Life

There is no cure for how we feel.
Yet some folks think the only out
is by looking down a loaded gun
With the whispers of those who'd done wrong to them.

Some don't realize their lives meant more
Than they thought it did.

Life is what you make it out to be.
Live it as you please and let no one take control.
Because all you need is an old guitar,
Some good friends,
And a fifth of Jack.
Yeah, that's life.

It just gets better as we go along.
It's never too late to go back to the good times you had.
Because they're still left inside of us.
It takes the greatest courage to dig down deep to move on.

Life is what you make it out to be.
Live it as you please and let no one take control.
Because all you need is an old guitar,
A good love,
And a fifth of Jack.
Yeah, that's life...

One day we'll find that hope
And easier ways to cope.
One day soon we'll all live freely
And be who we ought to be

Life is what you make it out to be.
Live it as you please and let no one take control.
Because all you need is an old guitar,
Some good friend,
A good love,
And a fifth of Jack.
Yeah, that's life....

That's life...

Heart of Stone

 For R.H.

There's something about you that makes me wonder.
How do you live without feeling anything?
It's like someone replaced your warm
and loving heart with one of icy, hard stone.

It's like Medusa ripped open your chest
and stared at your ever beating heart.
You feel cold to the touch and I'm
afraid to speak for fear of you cold commentary.

Your stone heart makes you cold and
calculating.
Leaving frigid lashes on people's skin
just to bring them down.
I wonder, what made life so unfair to
you to be against the world?

I know that heart of stone is breakable,
but not with tools we all use to help you.
One day, someone will crack and chip
away at it until they feel the warmth
we know that's inside.

Jenni's Journey at Its End

 For Jenni Lake and her family

I never knew who you were, but your story touched me.
Just like I'll never know the inner pain you felt as the cancer slowly took you away.
I'll never know the thoughts going through your mind as you fell into a never-ending sleep.

Even in death, you still touch hundreds of hearts of the struggles in your journey.
You fought and fought until the end, you were at war, but in the end you really won.
 You had love...

Love from your oldest sister...

Love from your family...

Love from your friends...

And most of all love from your baby boy for years to come.

Cancer will never feel that kind of love.
As we mourn for you, we'll all have a secret smile on our faces because you are in a better place.

My message for Ashlee, paint a smile on your face and remember every chance you get the things you two did.
Smile, love, and know we are there for you.