Far Away

For C.W.

Trapped.
Trapped by inevitability.
Inevitability that you cannot seek.
Seek and never heard.

I listen,
But your voice drowns in a sea.
A sea of lonely voids.
Voids that cannot be filled.

Try.
Try as you might to swim.
Never reaching the dock.
The dock that shifts away from you as you grow closer.

I reach,
But my arm isn't long enough.
Fingers splayed and I cannot reach.
You're slipping away.

Trapped and trying.
I listen and I reach.
The stars aren't aligned.
Neither are the words I display.

Enclosed by Glass

I feel enclosed.
Enclosed in a glass case.
On display to those I know.

I see most pointing and laughing.
Laughing for the fool I am,
And for the fool I have been.

I see the rest horrified and bewildered.
Reaching out to help, but they can't get close.
Fragile faces cracking.

I pound the glass with fists of iron.
Harder, harder, but still no cracking.
I hit the bottom, crying.

I'm stuck and in the air.
Laughed at by those who don't care.
Helped by those that do.

I can't get out.
The sadness I see is mine,
On the people that love me.

I never knew the effect I can have.
All I see in this moment now,
Is myself, tear-stained in the mirror.

Never Knowing

To the Creature inside of me: Go Away.


No one knows that within me is this creature.
This creature keeps me awake at night.
No way of stopping it.
No way of knowing what it actually is.

I feel it stirring.
Making a ruckus in my gut.
I don't know when he is leaving.
I would love for him to do so,
But he has already made his home.

I still have no relief in waking.
My body is in a constant battle with this thing.
My stomach is always growling,
But this monster is trying to make me forget again.
I don't want to go back to that again...

Still no relief in waking...
I don't like that I go through this day-to-day.
But I must, all because of an accident.
All because I thought I didn't have enough.

I've been trying to push him out.
He nearly has all the furniture out.
He'll get out of there if it is the last thing I do.

Memories

Often repressed,
Often revised,
Often remembered,
Often snide.

Memories are lost,
Memories are static.
Memories aren't perfect.
Yet they manifest in our dreams.

They help us remember how to do things,
Like eat, drink, and drive.
They help us remember those we hold dear to us,
Like dinners, movies, books, and people.

Ever staying some of them.
Like with people who suffer from post-traumatic stress.
Never forget and never let go.
Memories are scared no matter where you go.

Nightmares

 “'It's not necessary. My nightmares are usually about losing you,' he says. 'I'm okay once I realize you're here.'" -Peeta Mellark, Catching Fire

My dreams are plagued with visions of terror.
Unspeakable things happen.
Loved ones die and leave you to suffer.
Bugs crawl up underneath the skin.

Like a post-traumatic event,
They leave a stamp in your mind that seems all too real.
Revisiting the terrors of your high school days.
Revisiting the little things that have happened in your life.

My mind is ravaged with these horrid dreams.
Too much for me to handle on most nights.
I wake up in cold sweats and tears in my eyes.
I wake up screaming so I can make it stop.

Lucid, as they are, I know some are absurd.
They are real in a way to our waking life.
Nothing seems to end them because no matter what, they come back.
Nightmares are all too real in our minds.

My dreams are plagued with visions of terror.
They make me lie awake all night for fear I'll have another.
It is the monster that won't leave.
It is something that I cannot stop.
They will keep coming for me...