Thought Suppression

Do not think about a White bear.
What comes into your mind?
A White elephant?
A White rose?
Or perhaps the White snow?

Maybe a Black bear?
Or even a Grizzly?

There is something to be said by
why you try not to think of a White bear.
The answer is simple, but do not be alarmed!
It's all in the mind and even the best of the best
get tricked like this.

Do not fear feeling silly for suppressing
your thoughts of a White bear!
As you remember I did quite the same!
Think as you wish and let the mind
wander into the deep fathoms of your mind!!!

This is just a simple test,
Just remember...
                         Do not
                                     think
                                             of a
                                                    White
                                                             bear.........

When I See Us as Equal

What I mean when I see us as equal is
finally being together without fear.
The fear of rejection from a job
you wanted.
The fear of being evicted and not having
that warm welcome at all.
The fear that you'll be assaulted and
can't do anything about it.

Fear dissipates, but only with time.
Fear will become a past problem
for us because we will show it
by our power in numbers.

Numbers that increase everyday
with every rising sun there is a boy
or girl coming out to show the world they're
not afraid anymore.

Fearless in every thought is what equal
is as we see it.

My Shelter

Spontaneity, charm, and a smile that melts
my heart.
There's this thing about him.
Something that I see in those hazel eyes.
A beautiful soul that shines like the Sun.

How his arms held tight to me in bed.
The way he reminds me that I am beautiful
He's got this thing about him that
helps me the man I want to be for him.
Bringing out the best in me like uncovering
treasure in the farthest depths of the sea.

When he lays on my chest, I feel like
he is one with me.
He hears my heartbeat and knows its
his.
I'm always at peace with him.

Everything about him makes me
view the world through a different lens.
Everything about him makes me want to be
with him.
He makes me fall harder

                                      and harder

                                                        in love.

Coming Apart

It slips through my fingers like sand
in a hourglass.
Like tears falling slowly down my
face.
I'm coming apart while trying to stay
strong.

I'm coming undone like a drag queen's
corset after a long night.
Coming undone like a spool of thread.
The tears are still rolling down my
face.
Tears I shed for the loss of security.
Tears of an illusion that's ruined by
reality's bitch slap.

There is no time for more tears.
No time... yet there is always time.
I will raise from my own ashes
like the phoenix I know I am.

Still I sit here falling apart.
Days flying by...
Needing the illusion to let me sleep at
night.

Heart of Stone

 For R.H.

There's something about you that makes me wonder.
How do you live without feeling anything?
It's like someone replaced your warm
and loving heart with one of icy, hard stone.

It's like Medusa ripped open your chest
and stared at your ever beating heart.
You feel cold to the touch and I'm
afraid to speak for fear of you cold commentary.

Your stone heart makes you cold and
calculating.
Leaving frigid lashes on people's skin
just to bring them down.
I wonder, what made life so unfair to
you to be against the world?

I know that heart of stone is breakable,
but not with tools we all use to help you.
One day, someone will crack and chip
away at it until they feel the warmth
we know that's inside.

Struggle #2 (Freshman Year)

From my 9th grade self

Ninth grade was another new start, but
only slightly.
The torment began within two weeks of
starting.
I've had many bullies before this, but
this one was different.

He was taller and more robust than I was.
Every morning I would pass by him, avoiding
the gaze of his piercing eyes.
He'd walk up to me punched me in the arm
and yelled in my face calling me a "faggot."

It wasn't in my nature to trust others with
what was going on.
So I let him run right over me.

Months and months passed, and it
kept happening.
Avoiding him only made it worse when he did see me.
Never told a soul about the bruises on
my arms from the punching.

One day in art class, I finally broke down,
and a friend asked: "what is wrong?"
I wanted to lie, but I told her I was being
bullied.
She was astonished, and I cried on her
shoulder.

Things never got better, and I didn't feel
I could be myself if it meant being called names.
I had to hide... once again, I would live
to fight this never-ending war.

Moment's Reprieve

Just a moment to myself where I can
think about the day.
Just one moment...
Just a chance to take down my walls
in the fortress of my mind.

It is a serene way of letting go of those
who trespassed on you.
It is a way to make you feel whole again.
To be yourself without consequences.
No battles or wars to fight.
Nothing in the world can attack you.

You have no fears at this moment,
No worries, no hatred, no pain.
There isn't a thing you can't do in that
moment.

Once you snap out of this moment,
up goes the castle walls and your poker face.
Strength is all you have to keep the tears in
your eyes.
You are beautiful, you are lovely, you are
always going to be you.

You have the power to write your own
book of life.
You have the power to do anything your
heart desires.

A moment's reprieve is all you need...