Seeing Red and Feeling Heat

My fuse, once long, slowly burns away.
Closer to making me explode.
The volcano bubbling and boiling inside me,
Is ready to erupt.

So much packed into me,
So little time to alleviate it.

I want to scream until I'm hoarse.
I want to punch out a wall.
I want to throw a rock so hard that it will shatter,
Falling apart as it slams into the ground.
I want to break glass,
And hope that the pieces shatter into bits.

Revenge isn't the answer to my full-grown anger.
Nor is isolation in my Tower.
The situations I am in call for action.
Actions of kindness and acceptance.

The things I'm angry about shouldn't matter anymore.
Situations in the past must stay there.

Hopefully, once my anger cools there will be a time of peace.
Until then, a long list should be taken care of for now.

Topsy-Turvy Ride

Life is a bitch;
A rollercoaster.
It's merely signing a lease for the unknown.

You're sheltered for at least some of the time,
In one form or another.
Raised in a small or big family.
With a single parent, both, adopted, or none.
Below the poverty line, middle class, or wealthy.

Sometimes you assimilate to the surroundings like a chameleon.
Sometimes you stick out like an oddly-shaped formation.
Sometimes you know who you are and are rewarded or denied.
Sometimes you're confused, and you don't know what direction to take.

Then comes the point to continue to college, or take on different paths.
A time where you figure out if you have enough to go, or not;
Sometimes even if you are or aren't cut out for it because people cut you down to scraps.
Sometimes you find yourself or become new and stronger.

There comes a time to survive.
Experience dark days and even brighter nights.
Leases, rent, bills, student loans, jobs, food, companionship, death of loved ones, abandonment, douchebags, roommates, depression, kids, business ownership, and much, much more ups-and-downs.
All swirl together like a never-ending storm competing for attention.

There is a time where you will cycle between good and evil.
Either feeling you're on-top-of-the-world,
Or feeling there is no light at the end of the tunnel.
You will cycle, and the cliche is true: It Does Get Better.

There will be so many moments.
Big, or small like grains of sand.
Life in respect is beautiful,
Though still a bitter bitch.

There will also be a time when the lease runs out.
Whether you're young, or middle-aged, or elderly.
Whether it's quick or slow.
Death is not a looming, dreadful thing.
It is just a price.
Something worked hard for.
And a stamp for completing a life no matter how it's lived.

Lion's Golden Heart

Courage ignites inside me,
When my hand joins yours.

It thaws the layers of ice,
Around a protected heart.

My heart shines of gold,
It glints showing the world a me that's been hiding.

I can let loose the beast my renewed courage revealed.
I can let loss feelings I refused to show.
I can be me because I don't have to fear.

Everything goes two ways.
You have shown me the best and worst.
Your courage and life ignite like you have done for me.

Reminder

I never seem to win.
I can't be logical,
Nor practical in reasoning.
Not when it comes to love.

So much weighs on my heart,
And in my brain that I feel smothered.
So much pain that I feel like I can't breathe.
So much love and no one to put it toward.

The very core of who I am is based on love.
Romantic and brotherly, the same.
All my thoughts irrational, fabrications.
A battle I feel I can't win.

I fall so quickly,
That it feels like it takes a lifetime to stand up again.
Each time worse than the last.
Each time fearing that there is no love left in the world.

I feel like an island,
Alone in the ocean.
Feelings string together into a depression.
A depression that this is the way it should be.

Though in rational thoughts, this is not true.
That I am loved.
That I am not that island and someone cares.
That I can love as deeply as I want.

I just have to wait before I lay it all on the line.
Learn from my hurting heart that I can't have the one I love.
Learn that it is okay to feel alone.
That love doesn't have to lead into that hole of depression.

Urge

I have the urge to run away,
To run as fast as I can.
To get rid of the pain that flows inside,
And breathe in the freshness of the air.

I have the urge to climb the tallest tree,
To feel the bark against my hand.
To have it crumple under my boots,
And sleep under the stars glistening above.

I have this urge, this drive, to just lay in bed with you.
To forget the faltered world around us.
To finally feel your touch on my face,
And search endlessly into your pale eyes.

I have this urge to cry,
To feel my nose and eyes burning from the tears.
To heave and shudder as I break,
And hope and trust that I can stop.

I have this urge to leave,
To feel free and start anew.
To have a tabula rasa and a new attitude,
And to feel the gentle touch of your caressing touch at last.

Let Go

It's time to let go.
Let the boulder roll.
Down,
Down,
Down the hill, and the emotions will gather.
Those chemicals bubble inside your head,
Release them as whatever they are.

Let happiness spread the warmth;
Let sadness cool it;
Let anger boil over;
Let envy show its ugly green head;
Let silliness make your brain numb with your laughter;
Let confusion make you dizzy.

Most of all, let the feeling of love burn.
Let it burn bright like fire,
Like a guiding light.
Don't let it burn you out with irrational flight.

Let the boulder roll.
Down,
Down,
Down the hill.
Let go and release what you will down.

Indecisive

To anyone reading this.

I know what it's like to make a bad decision.
One after another, thinking they were good.
When really it killed me mentally.
The what-ifs, the regrets, and aftermath.

I fear the fall;
I fear never stopping,
Just falling.

Then in comes you,
Warmth and kindness.
I feel it in your embrace.
I feel it radiate from you.
My fears disappear.
My anxiety gone.

I am not alone,
You're scared, but not alone in that.
Comfortable is comfortable,
I am scared of that.
I'm not use to kind words or the warmth you have.

The constant doubt,
It runs, runs, runs, runs . . .
It doesn't stop because the thoughts naturally hurt when I remember.
When I remember my rough patches,
Remember that pang of guilt, the pang of stress.
Never seeing the light at the end of that godforsaken tunnel.

There are reasons why there are songs out there, like:
"Try," "Unconditionally," and "Exceptional."
To help us see the best in everyone we come in contact with.

I know the doubt,
The fear, the insanity emotions give us.
The constant stream of thoughts and falling into the indecisiveness and panic.
Hope is strong against the fear,
And you are never alone.