Let Go

It's time to let go.
Let the boulder roll.
Down,
Down,
Down the hill, and the emotions will gather.
Those chemicals bubble inside your head,
Release them as whatever they are.

Let happiness spread the warmth;
Let sadness cool it;
Let anger boil over;
Let envy show its ugly green head;
Let silliness make your brain numb with your laughter;
Let confusion make you dizzy.

Most of all, let the feeling of love burn.
Let it burn bright like fire,
Like a guiding light.
Don't let it burn you out with irrational flight.

Let the boulder roll.
Down,
Down,
Down the hill.
Let go and release what you will down.

Indecisive

To anyone reading this.

I know what it's like to make a bad decision.
One after another, thinking they were good.
When really it killed me mentally.
The what-ifs, the regrets, and aftermath.

I fear the fall;
I fear never stopping,
Just falling.

Then in comes you,
Warmth and kindness.
I feel it in your embrace.
I feel it radiate from you.
My fears disappear.
My anxiety gone.

I am not alone,
You're scared, but not alone in that.
Comfortable is comfortable,
I am scared of that.
I'm not use to kind words or the warmth you have.

The constant doubt,
It runs, runs, runs, runs . . .
It doesn't stop because the thoughts naturally hurt when I remember.
When I remember my rough patches,
Remember that pang of guilt, the pang of stress.
Never seeing the light at the end of that godforsaken tunnel.

There are reasons why there are songs out there, like:
"Try," "Unconditionally," and "Exceptional."
To help us see the best in everyone we come in contact with.

I know the doubt,
The fear, the insanity emotions give us.
The constant stream of thoughts and falling into the indecisiveness and panic.
Hope is strong against the fear,
And you are never alone.

A River Runs

A river runs,
Never freezes, never stops.
Bangs against rocks.
Rushes, whispering down, down, down.
Until it aligns with something bigger than itself.

Much like the brain,
They never stop, thoughts run along axons.
Nerves run through and along organs.
Speeds that break necks, around, around, around.
Neurons connecting in endless lines joining into somethings bigger than themselves.

A river is free, uncaring;
Ripping apart all it sees.
Yet we see it as peace when calm,
Hatred builds when it floods;
Something completely out of our control.

A brain is as logical as we make it.
Always learning, never stops learning.
At every turn, either peace of hatred,
It just goes.
Mad at thinking we have less control than a river.
When indeed we have more.

A river runs,
Much like a brain.
Never stops.
Whispering.
Aligning to something bigger than itself.

Fear of Fears

I don't fear the fear itself.
I fear the offshoot of the fear.

I fear heights,
But it's the fall when I slip.
Farther . . . farther . . . in the plunge.

I fear rejection,
But it's the feeling like I'm unloved.
Though I know it isn't true, but it's what I feel.

I fear losing people,
But it's because then I'll be alone.
I need people and friends to survive.

I fear failure,
But it's letting myself down and others.
The recovery nearly impossible.

Fears go deep and they will be there.
Yet hope finds a way to them.

Bottled Up

There is a tension building against my chest.
It makes it hard to breathe.
If that grip loosens, I feel that my lungs will collapse.

There is a massive weight on my shoulders.
The burden of the world is on me.
I carry it with no way to put it down.

There are chains around my heart.
The guardian from the hurt, and then keeping everything in.
The key to the lock, lay hidden away.

I have walls around my mind.
I'm scared to let anyone climb them.
I'm afraid of what they'll see.

Bottling up is hard.
Letting go is much harder.
There just needs to be a chance for me to be free.

S.A.D. (Winter's Worst)

The first snowfall,
It should be a happy moment,
For me it signals misery:
A five month spell of sadness.

I should be outside,
Building a snowman,
A snow angel,
If I'm lucky an ice sculpture.

Instead, I hide inside,
In my den like a fox,
Crying into a tear-stained pillow,
Overwhelmed with sadness and anger.

Uncontrollable with the lack of sunlight.
Solutions with no resolutions.
It's depression to the point where running and writing cannot touch it.
It slowly kills me; a dark pit hollowed in.

The cure for myself?
It is the feeling of waking up to Spring.
A warmth that grows and melts the Winter's worst.
A smile of pure joy spreads through me like hope.

Robin sweetly chirping a song of return,
Trees coming out of a slumber,
The sun's warmth,
The bright yellow of dandelions poking out of the ground.

A fire rekindled.
A light renewed.
A positivity to rejoice in for many months.
A song that now be sung.

Speechless

It's time to say something.
It's time to act.
It's time to spill my heart out.

Yet, I lost my words.
I'm a writer, but I lost the words.
There are words I want to tell you.
Speechless . . .

You've left me speechless.
Stammering words.
I'm at a loss.

Before you leave, I have to say . . .
Say something because you're leaving.
Something, I need my words.
My words, I need.

Three . . . I... .,
Two . . .  I... .,
One . . .I. . . .

You're out the door. . . .
I didn't even have the chance.
The chance that I had to say what my heart wants to say.
I miss you. . . .