Stay with me...
Next to me...
Holding my hand...
Holding me...
Tightly and completely.
Stay with me...
Cry and laugh with me...
Fall deeper with me...
In love...
Wholely.
Stay with me...
Break my heart...
Miss me...
Take me back...
Kindly.
Stay with me...
Drunk on love...
Reveal your darker side...
Be you...
Always...
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Candle Flicker
For M.B.
I see the candle flicker across from me.
Though it smells like "Ocean Flowers."
I know this to be artificial.
I know the ocean doesn't smell that way.
Deep in my memories, I smell salty air.
Which triggers my memories of salty sweat.
Trickling down from your head.
I love the smell.
My train of thought leaves me.
I hurt.
The image of you fades.
I lay in my bed.
Wanting to open up more to you.
Wanting to be held.
Alone.
The next night, the other candle.
It flickers and I smell "Rustic Woods."
Like the other, it is artificial.
I know the woods don't smell that way.
I remember, the smell of pine and ivy.
The sunshine of summer.
A lunch to share.
Birds chirping.
I feel that warmth.
I feel your hand in mine.
The image of that day fade.
Retrospectively it was omnipresent.
Somehow it makes me sadder.
Alone again.
Wanting to be held.
I don't want to feel this way.
I blow it out.
All I can smell is acrid smoke.
Then nothingness and darkness become one.
Alone.
Alone.
Alone...
I must keep these feelings in-check.
I see the candle flicker across from me.
Though it smells like "Ocean Flowers."
I know this to be artificial.
I know the ocean doesn't smell that way.
Deep in my memories, I smell salty air.
Which triggers my memories of salty sweat.
Trickling down from your head.
I love the smell.
My train of thought leaves me.
I hurt.
The image of you fades.
I lay in my bed.
Wanting to open up more to you.
Wanting to be held.
Alone.
The next night, the other candle.
It flickers and I smell "Rustic Woods."
Like the other, it is artificial.
I know the woods don't smell that way.
I remember, the smell of pine and ivy.
The sunshine of summer.
A lunch to share.
Birds chirping.
I feel that warmth.
I feel your hand in mine.
The image of that day fade.
Retrospectively it was omnipresent.
Somehow it makes me sadder.
Alone again.
Wanting to be held.
I don't want to feel this way.
I blow it out.
All I can smell is acrid smoke.
Then nothingness and darkness become one.
Alone.
Alone.
Alone...
I must keep these feelings in-check.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
If I Stay, If I Go
If I stay, I have nothing.
I have nothing, but the friends I made.
I have no opportunity in any arena.
None.
If I stay, I am in despair.
I'm not going to be able to climb out of the hole.
The hole is dark and damp.
I'd have a better chance of living in a cave.
If I go, I will have something.
I'll have more opportunities.
Make new friends.
Be able to live.
If I go, I would be happier.
I would be able to climb out of my despair.
See the light of day and feel the halcyon warmth.
My heart would settle and be whole again.
Yet I'm stuck.
Stuck in the middle.
In the middle of an open field.
I have the tools to cultivate, but I don't know what to grow.
For once the seeds are sown, there is no way to stop them.
I have nothing, but the friends I made.
I have no opportunity in any arena.
None.
If I stay, I am in despair.
I'm not going to be able to climb out of the hole.
The hole is dark and damp.
I'd have a better chance of living in a cave.
If I go, I will have something.
I'll have more opportunities.
Make new friends.
Be able to live.
If I go, I would be happier.
I would be able to climb out of my despair.
See the light of day and feel the halcyon warmth.
My heart would settle and be whole again.
Yet I'm stuck.
Stuck in the middle.
In the middle of an open field.
I have the tools to cultivate, but I don't know what to grow.
For once the seeds are sown, there is no way to stop them.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Strong Too Long
You don't know my pain.
You don't look at me like you used to.
Like I'm some terrible monster.
I'm nothing to fear.
I've been strong for too long,
I just want to curl up and scream.
Scream in an abyss in anger and sadness.
Until my voice is hoarse, and I can't no longer.
I want to hear you call for me.
Reach out to me.
Be there to hold me.
And just let me bawl my pretty blue eyes out.
I don't want you to sympathize,
I want you to empathize.
My heart is torn, and I don't feel grounded.
I'm alone, and it tortures me because you feel like home.
I'm coming to the point where my inner strength is weakening.
I'm juggling so much in my head.
I'm stuck in my head, and you draw me out.
I'm about to cry because you grew cold.
You tell me to not over-think everything,
But you don't understand that I can't stop doing so.
You leave me with so little to understand.
Your silence speaks too much.
Just let me scream and cry alone.
I'll make it through alone.
I won't be devastated, just heartbroken.
Heartbroken utterly because I care.
You don't look at me like you used to.
Like I'm some terrible monster.
I'm nothing to fear.
I've been strong for too long,
I just want to curl up and scream.
Scream in an abyss in anger and sadness.
Until my voice is hoarse, and I can't no longer.
I want to hear you call for me.
Reach out to me.
Be there to hold me.
And just let me bawl my pretty blue eyes out.
I don't want you to sympathize,
I want you to empathize.
My heart is torn, and I don't feel grounded.
I'm alone, and it tortures me because you feel like home.
I'm coming to the point where my inner strength is weakening.
I'm juggling so much in my head.
I'm stuck in my head, and you draw me out.
I'm about to cry because you grew cold.
You tell me to not over-think everything,
But you don't understand that I can't stop doing so.
You leave me with so little to understand.
Your silence speaks too much.
Just let me scream and cry alone.
I'll make it through alone.
I won't be devastated, just heartbroken.
Heartbroken utterly because I care.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Longing for the Woods, Dreaming of the Sea
No one knows the pain I feel.
The painful loneliness that envelops me like a dark cloud of doubt.
I try to find solace somewhere I can be me.
Somewhere I can cry and let the feelings go.
The woods... my tree... my loneliness can disappear.
This is where my dark side and light side can meet in peace.
This is where I'm at my happiest.
I feel no judgment from the trees around me.
No judgment from the fauna, or the running stream.
To the highest branch I can climb and listen...
Listen to my heart beat as it connects to nature's.
Listen to my thoughts as I watch the magpies make their graceful flight.
Here I can smile truly, cry with no one to listen, and get angry with the nothingness.
Here things make sense to me and I can sleep peacefully on the mossy tree with a cool breeze of winter against my skin.
My heart longs not just for the woods, but by the salty sea.
Sand on my feet, sun on my face, listening to the tide.
A sea to match my irises, another place to sit and listen.
A breeze to break the sun's heat and to blow my curly locks.
The sea calls my name to swim in its depths.
The heart of the ocean beats steady as mine slows down.
Watching as the set while in the water reflects in my eyes.
I have no fear diving down again and holding my breath.
Then coming out refreshed, hair wet, body shimmering in the setting sun.
Finally laying down on the lukewarm sand and fall asleep.
It's just like a dream to end and back in the woods I am.
I look to the starry sky for the answers.
A gentle snow begins and I feel alive!
I never want to leave this place.
I can smile, cry, and get angry.
I don't feel so alone out here in the woods...
No, not at all...
I feel whole again after the pieces of me glue back together.
I am... alive and free.
The painful loneliness that envelops me like a dark cloud of doubt.
I try to find solace somewhere I can be me.
Somewhere I can cry and let the feelings go.
The woods... my tree... my loneliness can disappear.
This is where my dark side and light side can meet in peace.
This is where I'm at my happiest.
I feel no judgment from the trees around me.
No judgment from the fauna, or the running stream.
To the highest branch I can climb and listen...
Listen to my heart beat as it connects to nature's.
Listen to my thoughts as I watch the magpies make their graceful flight.
Here I can smile truly, cry with no one to listen, and get angry with the nothingness.
Here things make sense to me and I can sleep peacefully on the mossy tree with a cool breeze of winter against my skin.
My heart longs not just for the woods, but by the salty sea.
Sand on my feet, sun on my face, listening to the tide.
A sea to match my irises, another place to sit and listen.
A breeze to break the sun's heat and to blow my curly locks.
The sea calls my name to swim in its depths.
The heart of the ocean beats steady as mine slows down.
Watching as the set while in the water reflects in my eyes.
I have no fear diving down again and holding my breath.
Then coming out refreshed, hair wet, body shimmering in the setting sun.
Finally laying down on the lukewarm sand and fall asleep.
It's just like a dream to end and back in the woods I am.
I look to the starry sky for the answers.
A gentle snow begins and I feel alive!
I never want to leave this place.
I can smile, cry, and get angry.
I don't feel so alone out here in the woods...
No, not at all...
I feel whole again after the pieces of me glue back together.
I am... alive and free.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
How I Know You
To the men that lift my life up
This is how I know you,
In my heart that you make warm,
In my arms, you'll lie safe.
A place to rest your head,
While I sing you sweetly to sleep.
Nothing can beat this feeling I have.
You fill me with joy,
And I can be sure that I belong to you.
I cry when the days are hard,
And you somehow make it better.
I want that embrace and a sweet kiss on the lips.
You influence me to be a better man.
I like how you make me feel,
It makes me feel wanted and loved.
This is how I know you,
Comfort on both my good and bad days,
A person I can trust with my heart as it is fragile,
And giving me confidence in myself as a man.
This is how I know you,
In my heart that you make warm,
In my arms, you'll lie safe.
A place to rest your head,
While I sing you sweetly to sleep.
Nothing can beat this feeling I have.
You fill me with joy,
And I can be sure that I belong to you.
I cry when the days are hard,
And you somehow make it better.
I want that embrace and a sweet kiss on the lips.
You influence me to be a better man.
I like how you make me feel,
It makes me feel wanted and loved.
This is how I know you,
Comfort on both my good and bad days,
A person I can trust with my heart as it is fragile,
And giving me confidence in myself as a man.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Old Becomes New: The Poems Will Continue
It's been a year since I started this poetry blog. The poetry will never stop, if I become inspired I will post a new poem. I'm glad you all enjoyed this blog and I look forward to writing more poetry. This is the best thing that I could do for myself creatively.
This has been a beautiful year. I've had my share of heartbreaks, crushes, love, friendships, realizations, change, hatred, and fun. I hope that there is more out there for me to see, to broaden my horizons. Hopefully, I will get that chance.
This has been a beautiful year. I've had my share of heartbreaks, crushes, love, friendships, realizations, change, hatred, and fun. I hope that there is more out there for me to see, to broaden my horizons. Hopefully, I will get that chance.
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