Hear

 For Unrequited Love

I hear a sweet melody.
I feel the steady beat that I mistake for my own heart.
I hear the words,
But I realize it was you.
Singing in that low tone you have,
It isn't quite baritone, but still, I'm on cloud nine.

I listen to that beautiful voice of yours.
I can't understand why you don't use it more often.
I love the music you make.
You don't think I'm listening, hearing it.
I never thought I'd hear a song from you.

The song I hear you sing reminds me of a lush field.
Notes sung lay like grass and blow like a breeze.
I think of us in a plain, looking to the sky,
Watching the clouds change shape.
The harmony like the brook that flows as it hums.

I don't want it to end, but it does.
It ends, and my fantasy of the meadow... fades...
My day turned to night and rages into a storm.
I'm alone...
Alone in the meadow as rain falls,
Like my tears down my face.

I stay strong.
And hold back my tears as lightning strikes the ground.
A fiery ring surrounds me as I stand.
I watch and hear the dancing flames.
The crackle warms my now cold heart as it rings in my ears.
I may not have you, but I have an everlasting fire.
A fire in my heart that burns with strength...
Determination...
Perseverance...
It burns, and I feel it.
I hear it beating.
I hear it speaking to me.
I hear it screaming!
Telling me, I am still alive.

The fire can't destroy me.
The ring that burns into my retinas.
The image searing into my brain.
I'm immune to this danger.
I walk through...
I walk through it with no pain.
Just warmth surrounding me.

My thoughts leave me as I find myself lying asleep next to you.
Your warmth is what I felt.
It's what burned like fire.
Your arm around me tight,
Afraid I'll fly away... or fall apart.
I am whole, and I am calm.

I hear your sweet song in my head.
Against the snoring melody you make.
And I fall to sleep as it all starts again...

Pain in Love

I feel...
I feel that pain...
In my heart, I'm left alone.
Afraid of breaking...
Afraid of climbing that canyon wall.

I'm within myself.
Love hurts inside me,
Like I have been running forever.
Never stopping because I can't...
I need to keep going!
Yet I'm running out of breath.

No comfort...
Falling down an abyss,
No one catches me...
Aiming for you, but missing terribly.

I feel this pain in love.
Loving so hard, I hurt myself.
No one catches me as I fall backward and inward.
No one... not even you...

I See You Walking

For Z.J.H.

I see you walking...
Walking alone down the moonlighted path.
Alone you walk,
Aimless, yet not.

I see your shadow walking...
Walking behind you steadily.
Step by step, he follows.
Stuck, like you feel.

I see you look upward...
Looking at the moon.
You look at peace.
You look, as I stare up with you.

I try to think of what you think of.
I'm bleeding empathy!
Trying to figure it out.
I don't know what to say.
I want to yell out for you...
But all that comes out is silence...

Your image fades, no silhouette left.
I stand alone on the moonlit path.
I wish for you to stand there along with me...
Though that will never be.
We don't talk, yet I still love you.

I saw you walking...
And tears fall down my face...
I still search for you,
Where there is no path to follow.

Just Enough

Just enough,
And on edge.

On the inside,
I cannot breathe.

On the outside,
I am putting on a show.

On the inside,
I am crying.

On the outside,
I am smiling.

On the inside,
I try to be happy.

On the outside,
I try not to be sad.

Just enough,
I'm on edge.
One more push,
I'll feel myself fall.

I can handle it,
Most of it on my own.
But deep inside,
I need you because I feel you're mine.

No right or wrong,
Just pain.
No black or white,
Just in need.

Just enough...
And on edge.

Stay With Me

Stay with me...
Next to me...
Holding my hand...
Holding me...
Tightly and completely.

Stay with me...
Cry and laugh with me...
Fall deeper with me...
In love...
Wholely.

Stay with me...
Break my heart...
Miss me...
Take me back...
Kindly.

Stay with me...
Drunk on love...
Reveal your darker side...
Be you...
Always...

Candle Flicker

For M.B.

I see the candle flicker across from me.
Though it smells like "Ocean Flowers."
I know this to be artificial.
I know the ocean doesn't smell that way.

Deep in my memories, I smell salty air.
Which triggers my memories of salty sweat.
Trickling down from your head.
I love the smell.

My train of thought leaves me.
I hurt.
The image of you fades.
I lay in my bed.
Wanting to open up more to you.
Wanting to be held.
Alone.

The next night, the other candle.
It flickers and I smell "Rustic Woods."
Like the other, it is artificial.
I know the woods don't smell that way.

I remember, the smell of pine and ivy.
The sunshine of summer.
A lunch to share.
Birds chirping.
I feel that warmth.
I feel your hand in mine.

The image of that day fade.
Retrospectively it was omnipresent.
Somehow it makes me sadder.
Alone again.
Wanting to be held.

I don't want to feel this way.
I blow it out.
All I can smell is acrid smoke.
Then nothingness and darkness become one.
Alone.
Alone.
Alone...
I must keep these feelings in-check.

If I Stay, If I Go

If I stay, I have nothing.
I have nothing, but the friends I made.
I have no opportunity in any arena.
None.

If I stay, I am in despair.
I'm not going to be able to climb out of the hole.
The hole is dark and damp.
I'd have a better chance of living in a cave.

If I go, I will have something.
I'll have more opportunities.
Make new friends.
Be able to live.

If I go, I would be happier.
I would be able to climb out of my despair.
See the light of day and feel the halcyon warmth.
My heart would settle and be whole again.

Yet I'm stuck.
Stuck in the middle.
In the middle of an open field.
I have the tools to cultivate, but I don't know what to grow.
For once the seeds are sown, there is no way to stop them.