Fear of Fears

I don't fear the fear itself.
I fear the offshoot of the fear.

I fear heights,
But it's the fall when I slip.
Farther . . . farther . . . in the plunge.

I fear rejection,
But it's the feeling like I'm unloved.
Though I know it isn't true, but it's what I feel.

I fear losing people,
But it's because then I'll be alone.
I need people and friends to survive.

I fear failure,
But it's letting myself down and others.
The recovery nearly impossible.

Fears go deep and they will be there.
Yet hope finds a way to them.

Bottled Up

There is a tension building against my chest.
It makes it hard to breathe.
If that grip loosens, I feel that my lungs will collapse.

There is a massive weight on my shoulders.
The burden of the world is on me.
I carry it with no way to put it down.

There are chains around my heart.
The guardian from the hurt, and then keeping everything in.
The key to the lock, lay hidden away.

I have walls around my mind.
I'm scared to let anyone climb them.
I'm afraid of what they'll see.

Bottling up is hard.
Letting go is much harder.
There just needs to be a chance for me to be free.

S.A.D. (Winter's Worst)

The first snowfall,
It should be a happy moment,
For me it signals misery:
A five month spell of sadness.

I should be outside,
Building a snowman,
A snow angel,
If I'm lucky an ice sculpture.

Instead, I hide inside,
In my den like a fox,
Crying into a tear-stained pillow,
Overwhelmed with sadness and anger.

Uncontrollable with the lack of sunlight.
Solutions with no resolutions.
It's depression to the point where running and writing cannot touch it.
It slowly kills me; a dark pit hollowed in.

The cure for myself?
It is the feeling of waking up to Spring.
A warmth that grows and melts the Winter's worst.
A smile of pure joy spreads through me like hope.

Robin sweetly chirping a song of return,
Trees coming out of a slumber,
The sun's warmth,
The bright yellow of dandelions poking out of the ground.

A fire rekindled.
A light renewed.
A positivity to rejoice in for many months.
A song that now be sung.