They Were There

For my parents: J.W.M. & W.J.M.

They argued over my name when I was born.
They both watched me grow up from a hellion to a man.
They made me who I am today.

Sometimes I wish I could just go back,
And thank them for the great job they did.

They were there when I rode my first bike
down that old rocky road.
They were there for me when my friends were
downright mean.
They're going to be here until they're angels in the ground.
They were there...

They watched me go through high school
and all the troubles I went through.
They shoved me off to college and kept on living on.
Telling me, "We're proud of you, son!"

They were there for every heartbreak I had.
They were there to dry the tears I cried.
They're going to be here until they're angels in the ground.
They were there...

I love them both more than they know.
I'm blessed to call them family.

They were there on a sunshiny day until the moon came out.
They were there when I thought nothing would come from anything.
They're going to be here until they're angels in the ground.
There were there...

Ravaged

To the monster inside of me

My body feels ravaged.
Thinking of food never crossed my mind.
I was too busy taking care of the million things.
I had to do before thinking about eating.
No-one stopped me, no one...

I started going to bed hungry.
I thought I wouldn't be alive the next morning.
I had enough to get myself the things I needed,
but I felt I never had enough money to buy essentials.

I couldn't stop, my mind racing, my heart beating faster.
I felt like running, running from nothing but the air.
The fire of my heart slowly dying, fading...
The man with the heart of fire losing the battle in his mind.

Is this real... or not?
I couldn't wrap my mind around everything.
Why did this happen to me?
I didn't want to be thinner or anything.
I wanted to be me...
The me I knew a while back...
The me that knew he could fight the impossible.

He is there inside of me, and he is going to beat this monster.
The monster that beat me down...
Telling me I can't fight, telling me I won't win...

I will fight because my life is worth living.
Hungry no more says the new me...
Hungry no more!
Hungry no more...

I'm free from my cage that monster put me in.
I'm free to sing a beautiful song that makes people go silent.
Listen to the tune of freedom...
Listen...
Just listen to the song of strength I sing...
And you, too, can be free like me.

Struggle #4 (Junior Year)

From the 11th grade me

The teasing never ceased...
I still couldn't trust anyone.
I started building a harder shell.
I started to close myself to everyone.

I felt I was going to come apart.
I started Cross Country to get rid of the anger.
It barely helped, but it was the only thing I could do.

No one knew how hurt I was.
I suffered in the background.
No one understood me, not even myself.

After one meet I ran an opponent called me a faggot
for beating him in the race.
The officials never caught it to disqualify him.
I cried after that happened and the assistant coach
came over and hugged me.
Even though she thought it was about the race, it was still comforting.

The rest of the year, I still couldn't go down
the hall without hearing slurs of hatred.
I just kept chugging along because I dreamt of a life
outside of that Hell's four walls.
I escaped yet another year.

Going Home

Never feeling so alive.
Hometown still the same.
Family doing fine.

My heart feels it never left.
Yet it doesn't belong there anymore.
No one in dire need to want me back
in that town.

The house I grew up in is not my home.
Even though my last name is still on the mailbox.
I die more on the inside
Near tears, which could've flooded the Nile.

Nothing would have stopped me after that trip to stay.
I know I couldn't...
I have people who depend on me in my new home.
Friends...
Roommates...
Someone who cares about me...

Truth is...
I couldn't go back to my hometown again,
because my heart just isn't there anymore.