Struggle #5 (Senior Year)

From the 12th grade me

When you think things could get better,
They don't...
 I was continually dodging,
Always hiding from people.

I felt worse and worse about myself,
The pattern to survive had already sunken in.
I had to do what I had to do to live.
Waiting to hear more slurs and scandals.

I felt I still had no one to lean on,
I felt frightened into a corner.
I wanted to scream,
I wanted to get out of my head.
I wanted to find someone who cared about me.
I wanted to feel sane with the madness.
I wanted to tear into some people who talked about me like I wasn't there.

The days I regularly ran,
And pretending the pavement was the faces of those who hurt me.
Running because I couldn't let them catch me.
Running because I didn't want to be this person,
I needed to not survive for one moment.

Survival was all I had...
It kept good people out.
And let me keep the bad people who said they'd be with me.

Survival daily.