Agoraphobia

I put the outside world away from my mind.
Can I handle it today?
Will I runaway again like I did the day before?
I am destined to hide from the people.

Why not overcome the fear?
I can't possibly do it.
My fear of the outside.
The fear of letting people in.

I take one faithless step out the door.
The neighbor is out!
I try to sneak past before the hello comes.
They see me and wave.

I retreat back to my safe place.
Afraid to step out again.
My hunger will have to wait . . .
One day more.

I hide back into the very corner of my bedroom.
Window boarded up, no light, just dark.
I rock back and forth.
Unable to seek the help I truly need.

Double-edge

Oh, how you hurt me.
You shoved your sword inside me.
You left me for dead.

Pity, Pain, Stay, Alone

I stop,
I stand there in awe.
I see you from far away.
Alas, I cannot get to you.

You are too far off.
I run to you,
But you retreat farther.
You are but a speck in the distance.

Unreachable.
Unattainable.
I don't understand.
Why did you not take me with you?

I fall,
Unable to continue on.
My quest failed,
And my many questions remain as so.

Leave me here to suffer in pity.
Leave me here to suffer in pain.
Leave me here to just stay.
Leave me here to just be alone.

Depth

I am sinking low.
Into your bathtub of tears.
You save me never.

Ill-Rattled

You chose wrong.
Syringe of chemical hooks versus love.
Your battle lost.
You hurt your chances.

Years upon years,
That is who you preferred over me.
Your ill-riddled brain chose the hooks.
You may as well been cheating.

Cheating me of life,
Cheating me of everything we could have been.
I felt the burn of being on your back burner.

Were we even real?
Was this just another fantasy of mine?
Can I be trusted?
My world spinning out of control. . . .

I saw the needles.
A sight that cannot be unseen.
Etched in my mind.
I'm sorry you chose that instead of me.

I'm sorry you lost me.
I'm sorry you lost my heart.

Void and Shore

For someone . . .

How could I go along this dreary world?
Without you, my thirst is high.
My hunger heightened.
You are elsewhere, while I stare off.

Void, nothing.
I cannot see you . . .
You are lost.
Lost in your own blissful abyss.

I starve for your attention.
I want your love.
Too late.

You push me out of your whirlpool,
My boat forever afloat.
I never thought it'd be like this.
I'm away from you, away from you.

You spiral down.
I drift farther away.
I can't take your pain away . . .
Though it will always be with me.

I bid you farewell, darling.
I hope you make it to shore one day again.

Forest Run

As I run past the trees I am a flutter.
I am home,
Among the pine, the aspens, and willows.
I don't want to stop to take a breather.

From the corner of my eye, I see . . .
A forest nymph?
No, a bird flapping against the wind.
The frigid mountain wind.

My lungs fill up:
Inhale, frozen . . .
Exhale, warmth . . .
Inhale, frozen . . .
Exhale, warmth . . .

I stopped, at last, at the end of my path.
A fallen tree.
I pity it for a minute . . .
Then I start my journey over.

Running, running, running . . .
From an endless loop of thoughts.
As I lay in bed, sleeping a sweet dream of my forest run.